THOUGHT GHETTO

I was showering, listening to Horses and felt refreshed. I looked at my instagram feed for half a second and thought to myself, "I don't want to be punk anymore". This is of course some weird passing thought, who is to say I was ever punk in the first place. I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair is healthy again, my skin is clearing up, my weight is balancing out, my mood is improving, I feel a bit indifferent but positive. I'll have a new kitten around the end of the mon

In a matter of a few days, the last of the 3 men have fallen. His reason, "I met someone :/ and I like her. We can still be buds tho?" and my answer "I'm glad you found someone you like. (smiley face) You never had the time to be buds with me in the first place and I hope you're feeling less stressed."...his reply "Aw don't say that lol" and my answer "It's true. I'm too far away, I'm too busy, and I kept things ery surface level"....and his reply "Well regardless don't be a

I just finished packaging up some figures, I had a customer pick up their prints earlier today, now it's the task of cleaning up so I can get ready to leave to work around Monday. It's Friday night, my roommate went to a show, I could have gone but I felt finishing my home work between today and tomorrow would be more beneficial. Before she left she sent me something I would consider non-sense about her best friend having a work fling and the guy immediately obsessing over he

Somewhere along the way I stopped feeling. It's pretty unusual, I don't know why. Perhaps it's just a left over side effect from loving and losing. I thought at one point I was sad, it was a long relationship, and then I thought I was mad, perhaps overall I am disappointed. I met some men every since, some potentiality but overall nothing I can connect to, or I won't allow myself to connect to. And I can feel this extension of disconnection reach into other things I like, I k

Attempting to type this as my cat is draped over my arm purring, as cute as this is, it also means my circulation starts to get cut off when I want to actively use my arm. The cat wins, she's too cute to move, and I'm her comfort. Every so often I wish I had something like that. More recently I crave conversation more than I do affection. Conversation beyond the mundane day to day drama of work, relationships and bills. As fun and engaging those things are to talk about, I mi

I am do tired of the word "neurodivergent". When is the next "one" coming along so people can keep chasing exceptionalism.

My attention span is wavering really hard and heavy today, I realized that I haven't been taking my supplements that function to keep it in check. For about 5 years or more now, I've been taking Genius Mushroom, sometimes I'll skip a few weeks on purpose just to make sure it keeps working but this time, I've just forgotten. Since working, my health wasn't super priority, I was either eating like trash or not eating enough. And really testing the limits of my sulfite allergy.

When I expressed my interests in watching Pillion immediately my DMs on instagram was flooded with bad reviews from people I absolutely trust. And I get why the movie misses the mark but for me, I'm approaching the movie with this thought.... Ray isn't Real. I don't think Pillion was meant to be some intelligent movie, or some groundbreaking statement about BDSM. It honestly reminds me of a pulp story with blurred lines BDSM. If anything, it makes me want to check out the s

It might be too late to even be thinking about this. It's almost 2am, I was working on schematic sketch of sorts. Is there no Good Apology? I wonder what the social media world expects. Again I think I mentioned this in my last post. Perhaps apologies can not be accepted because we're lacking the old societal structures. People rarely exercise courtesy. The days of please and thank yous and any sort of acknowledgement of existence has been replaced with passive aggressive

I'm so strong :) As I was sinking into the doom scrolling I had to stop to get some things around my house ready, the handyman who I expect not to show up is coming to fix the toilet in my second bathroom. Even in my poverty I managed to have a home with a second bathroom, and the people I rent from, yes I rent, are kind enough to maintain it as I am kind enough to completely appreciate them for it. My living situation isn't the topic but I had to open up that way for some r

I am still trying to find my rhythm for writing to be read. Mostly I just have a chain of thoughts I try to full circle into some sorta point or sense. My cadence is repetitive and perhaps not as amusing as I think it is. That being said... "Don't You Dare Fall in Love" A sentence that crossed my mind while on the toilet, the place where all our dark and lovely thoughts come to fruition as we have nothing else to do except doom scroll. I didn't have my phone, I was just peei

I found the answer, for my feed to be littered with more male thirst traps. It happened on my instagram. Most of em are gay but it's fine to look and not touch. It's funny cause I swear all the best looking men just bat for the other team. Hyper masculinity to me is wonderful. I think women are way more forgiving about the way a man looks. I'm not doing that anymore. Above is a random update I wrote on one of my social media sites in a moment of waiting for a 3D print to fini

Image UNrelated I've been kinda....upset lately. After my break-up I kept a 4 bedroom house which at first I was very excited. my summer work was going well, things were tight but I was almost caught up and I became very determined to keep the place and make my studio and work. Then I had to miss 2 events for a doctor's visit, everything is behind, I'm paying rent late, and the job is so awkward in scheduling that either I work it or I find something else. If there were anyt

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