Don't You Dare Fall in Love

I am still trying to find my rhythm for writing to be read. Mostly I just have a chain of thoughts I try to full circle into some sorta point or sense. My cadence is repetitive and perhaps not as amusing as I think it is. That being said... "Don't You Dare Fall in Love"

A sentence that crossed my mind while on the toilet, the place where all our dark and lovely thoughts come to fruition as we have nothing else to do except doom scroll. I didn't have my phone, I was just peeing, and feeling that left over sensation of getting fucked. Men don't experience it, sometimes as a woman you're left swollen and juicy, a bit of pleasure and pain if you will, dependent on the experience. I should not be so bold to say that men don't experience it but I'm not a man, just a woman who was fucked and I have a left over sensation that leaves me still aroused. I could make a better correction, I was thinking about the man who created it. He's muscular with a thick member. We started this in the most casual way possible, we almost don't know each other, we chat, we fuck, we might chat some more and he leaves. His job has him leave fast and personally I don't mind. He can go be a hero, I get to be an artist. In the meantime, before he leaves, I get to shyly admire his body, I have no clue why I'm so shy about it. I believe it might be because he's not a fetishist or anything, but I do feed him compliments to feed his ego which in turn feeds my power. Power isn't the word but I do like seeing people light up from being told they are indeed awesome. It does not cost me anything to be kind and it doesn't cost me anything to tell the truth. Where was I going with this, I could describe the type of sex with have...it's normal heterosexual sex. I try to make it more, but I don't push people, I will ask them what makes their pleasure or their pain. It's just connection and normal sex. I'm a bit more adventurous yet it's not always necessary. This started as what it is, nothing more and I like it. Not everything has to be some grandiose story, sometimes two people can just connect on an intimate level, but intimate feels too emotional, I believe people can fuck as a handshake. You don't want to shake just anyone's hand, some hands are dirty and gross, some hands are weak and lacking power in the shake, some hands are disrespectful. A good handshake, establishes a connection, not necessarily personal but not impersonal either.

Things should stay exactly as they are.

As for the title, there is something more important than love between people. That's connection. Love is a social construct. You can love anyone, even a person you hate. You cannot connect with just anyone. Some people are just distant afterthoughts. You can't feel them, you know of them, but you don't remember them.

And that's all I have for now. I'm slowly regaining this ability of typing. The connection between my hands and brain isn't all the way there yet. And I want to be able to express myself in writing and in art exactly the same way.

-MechanicalPencilGirl