On my Bullshit Today

I'm so strong :)

As I was sinking into the doom scrolling I had to stop to get some things around my house ready, the handyman who I expect not to show up is coming to fix the toilet in my second bathroom. Even in my poverty I managed to have a home with a second bathroom, and the people I rent from, yes I rent, are kind enough to maintain it as I am kind enough to completely appreciate them for it. My living situation isn't the topic but I had to open up that way for some reason. IN MY scrolling, I had to stop and question myself. I know I'm an asshole just like every other person on the internet, opinionated, commenting on the wrong things, dismissing stuff as general slop and trash. I seen an artist that I don't really care for in the first place do the easy targeting of a celebrity with a mental problem who interviewed for Channel5, a independent news channel that is under constant scrutiny because of a "me too". A situation in which he apologized for and tried to make amends and returned to doing what he enjoyed which is independent media. I guess what people really wanted was for him to just stop doing the positive work, live under the ground or kill himself like Ed Piskor. Everyday, we engage with social media, and even when you disengage with social media, you get pulled right back in. It's easy to just leave a comment, make a video, and move on to the next topic. Sometimes for me, I can't just move on, my brain still remembers just about every movement of absurdity in the zeitgeist. (I use that word entirely too much) I get the benefits of inhabiting the body of a black woman so my experience is especially unique just based on how society has built up the position of being a black woman. There are things I'm supposed to do and not do, accept and not accept, if the new phrase is "Person of Color" I'm not supposed to equate that to the "No Coloreds" signs of the Jim Crow era. Especially because the "Blerds" have accepted it and BLM movements have accepted that, even though it was quickly hijacked and the condition of being Black of the African Diaspora got put right back on the back burner where people feel comfortable. So black is back to being coddled, there are more important things at hand and they can't all simultaneously exist without the showmanship.

I found myself listening to a story of a person, a "they/them" and they were at one point a white woman or perhaps she's white passing latino, and their story was about a white man (assuming) sending them unsolicited dick pictures. At first by the story I thought it was about a physical sexual assault and this person is still walking around on the streets. Unsolicited dick pictures are annoying, I'm not calling the cops over it, and depending on the context I would either personally publicly shame the person or just be like "no thanks". In this story, as I'm drinking at a bar, listening, I can't exactly get a beat on what I was listening to, I said "Did you punch him in the face or get someone to punch him in the face"...and that was met with hostility, me having the audacity to want to solve a situation with violence, and old fashion street violence. And this same person, I asked them...are you "Anti-Police"...because it seems like they were trying to get the law involved in the sending of these dick pictures. I just did not understand the purpose of them telling me this story other than wanting the attention for the story. There's more there but I only say they wanted the attention because later, they come back and say how their body aches from getting pounded by some dude. No kink shame...

Just confusion. I'm probably typing it too vague, but I did have some genuine confusion to what this person wanted to happen to the person that shared dick pictures with them. I'm actually confused to what a lot of people want to happen to others. Everyone seems to be carrying some sort of Tiki Torch, perhaps even myself. But speaking for myself, I don't want anymore dead. Speaking for myself, I have publicly shamed someone, I was that furious, I aired it out, and sometimes I think, I didn't have to do that, I know I didn't, and it didn't make me feel any better. And it won't stop anyone else from making the mistake. AND the person will come into some misfortune because of me, but because it's already in their nature. Also whatever I said would not make their lives any more difficult, I can easily be dismissed as the problem. A man purchased some photos from me, first time ever, I sold a set of photos in the vein of Femdom. I was already taking some photos of myself and simultaneously this person expressed wanting to purchased some photos. After cutting the price down from what I wanted, the man got his photos. Then after this post nut clarity, the photos were flawed, they had a watermark he could see. The photos were indeed watermarked but faint, and I adjusted the ones where I agreed it showed too much. It was too late, this person revealed they had autism, he didn't understand why I would ruined the photos with the watermark, other people don't watermark their photos, the watermark showed distrust. And even after trying to put the genie back in the bottle, giving him the photos without the watermark as an olive branch, he kept going. And I don't think I personally have to coddle someone because they have autism, autism doesn't make you into an asshole. I'm trying to pull the situation back, and he kept pounding it forward, so I lose a long time fan and I had to remark that I'm not even surprised. I was going to let it prevent myself from moving on this photo endeavor, I'll just evolve it into something else. I keep thinking, we're all terrible.

Even just now, a Punk Rock Flea Market, in my feed, is pointing out how another Punk Rock Flea Market has appropriated their flyer, and people in the comment section saying that THAT Punk rock flea market is hardly PUNK anyways. When the general consensus has been leaning to those type of events being dead for years, you can't get a table, there are more vendors appropriating shit than ever including reselling Temu/Aliexpress wears. I get it, we all want to be special and we all want credit. I point out how my old roommate was trying to "be me" in some creepy "Single White Female" sort of fashion. Maybe I'm very inspirational and should have approached it differently.

So on my bullshit, I just want to know, what do we want to happen?

Do we need some moral source to execute punishments? Will that make us collectively feel better?

My attention span is wavering, the feeling I had for this post is dissipating.

What does society want.

Apparently it's not individualism. The quickest way to being hated is showing you're an individual who can both exist inside and outside of society. That your identity is not dictated by society's whims. Apparently it's not profit. If you show yourself capable of making money and growing your business, brand and identity, you're automatically a sellout. But you're also expected to adapt yourself to the whims of society, not stand out, and still sell out. Vengeance? No, it's better to talk than to take action.

So I dunno.

I think I'm lethargic from sulfites.

lol.