Along the way

Somewhere along the way I stopped feeling. It's pretty unusual, I don't know why. Perhaps it's just a left over side effect from loving and losing. I thought at one point I was sad, it was a long relationship, and then I thought I was mad, perhaps overall I am disappointed.

I met some men every since, some potentiality but overall nothing I can connect to, or I won't allow myself to connect to. And I can feel this extension of disconnection reach into other things I like, I keep blaming attention span but I feel nothing. Not happy, not sad, nothing. I'm not even excited.

I do get small reminders of what I should be excited.

It's always creative things.

I was looking at my own artwork today and I thought, this ain't bad, I should push it further. I show people and I get likes and I don't even know what they are liking. I guess my art makes them feel nothing. Not even horny.

I don't know what else to day. I want to feel alive.

I want to fuck and feel good.