Exception to the Rules

I started to make a Story slide on instagram and then I thought it to be fruitless. My attention span is returning a little and I'm trying to not fall into a depression over the situation of someone else, a situation that I would have no control over nor am I responsible for, even if it results in death. That is a grim reality to live with, that no amount of being nice, caring, or attentive would have made a difference even if this person said so. They were writing their own demise since I met them. That being said,

I am do tired of the word "neurodivergent". When is the next "one" coming along so people can keep chasing exceptionalism. I was thinking about my own personal quirks and personality traits. I can trace to why I developed into this very person, and what I've been doing to stagnant or to improve. And even if others have treated me special or an an exceptional person, I think it has really only served to give me some sort of existential dread in not living up to the standards that someone else has set for you. In all honestly, in these moments, in these days, I don't particularly think about it much anymore. I don't care if I stand out or fit in. I don't care if someone thinks I'm intelligent or stupid, I just rarely think about it. Sure I'll take a compliment but it never feels like one thing or the other. I might be a bit shut off from my emotions lately, I'm self-aware that I have been, very much on purpose. The world feels small and stagnant, when only a few years ago, it felt very vast.

To add something silly to this, I was watching One Piece on Netflix, it has great world building and something about seeing that world in Live Action, just made me feel something, a bit of excitement, wondering what thing they creators would show next as they have to crunch a massive comic down into a few episodes at a time. Exciting in watching possibility. Getting reminded of why I want to create in the first place. I do not think I became a creative person because of being neurodivergent. I know I became a creative person because of influences in my life, and curiosity and chasing exicitement and sensations. I think the abuse of "neurodivergent" is just presenting a view of people being simple minded instead of creative and curious.

That's all I really have to say on it. I'm avoiding sleep because I want to avoid "tomorrow". My friend might be dying and there's nothing I can do about it.

Just another person in a battle with themselves.